RLV Viewer with new V3 UI

The Viewer, built on the 3.2.2 (0) release of November 7th, includes the new UI presentation of buttons, notifications appearing up in the top right corner (see image), Destination Guide open by default, and so on.

Additionally, it retains the RLV menu option and  includes a couple of familiar sliders seen in other TPVs up in the Navigation Bar: the avatar offset and the Draw Distance (the latter of which I’ve always appreciated in those TPVs that have it in difference to a Quick Preferences button), as well as including the ABOUT LAND and SKY buttons.

Unlike the latest versions of the official Viewer, the mini-location bar is displayed in addition to the Navigation Bar  / Favourites Bar, rather than the option allowing you to toggle between the Navigation / Favourites and the Mini-location. Being the (0) release means the Viewer doesn’t have the new snapshot floater – but given the speed with which Marine got this version out, one supporting the floater may not be far behind!

Performance-wise, on my usual machine the Viewer is on a par with the latest 3.2.2 release, coming in with an average fps around 20-22. Some have reported teleport issues with 3.2, I’ve not encountered any myself – and certain none in this Viewer while hopping around the place.

There’s not a lot to review here that I’ve not covered elsewhere when it comes to the new UI (see the link at the top of this post). All I can say is, kudos to Marine on the speed of her response with the release, and if you are curious about the new UI and want to give it a go but don’t want to crack out of RLV – now you can!

"Boots" by Kim Dench

It’s no secret that there is a side of my life that has encompassed D/s & fetish (why else do I maintain (what has admittedly become) an occasional blog on D/s matters within SL?). I’m also well aware that my biggest vanity in this regard is the fact that I look almost as good in fetishwear – corsets, heels, and so on – now, as I did when I first discovered them, despite the fact I’m fast approaching my “second 20th birthday” (and no, I won’t tell you precisely when that is, so don’t ask!). Thank God for rowing machines and swimming…

While I’m not as active in SL D/s circles as perhaps I once was, I do still enjoy the incredible, diverse and amazingly imaginative work that goes into fetish fashion is SL (Jackie, Erik, Chill3, Jinxed, Cheyenne – love you all!), and the devious creativity that can go into various restraints (step forward, Marine Kelley!). I was therefore curious to learn of a Fetish Art exhibition going on at Darkadia, the mysterious home of The Clan of the Latex Web, so I decided to drop by and take a look.

Darkadia is something of a work of art in its own right. The Clan of the Latex Web has its origins in the graphic novels by Michael Manning, and while the novels are not to everyone’s taste (I admit I find them a hard read), the sim is admirable as it encapsulates the aesthetics and other-worldliness of the novels and presents quite a stunning build that can be admired in its own right.

Darkadia

Given the sim has sprung from the world of graphic novels and art, it is fitting that it plays host to this exhibition of fetish-related art.

Teleport sign

There are several teleport options listed for Darkadia in Search, so whichever one you opt for, look for the signs to Fetish Arts 2011 – they are hard to miss and are spread across the sim. Each contains a teleport that will take you directly to the exhibition (SLurl).

The exhibition features displays from a number of artists in Second Life. Some are well-known with the D/s community; others are perhaps less well-known. The artwork itself reflects a wide range of tastes and views on BDSM and D/s. Unsurprisingly, many of the displays feature latex, but others are equally focused on eroticism. It’s a balanced, if eclectic mix  – but then, “fetish” is such a wide-ranging term, one should expect anything less in such an exhibition. BDSM does feature strongly in a lot of the work, so this perhaps isn’t an exhibition for those who have a very narrow perception where such acts are concerned.

Denovo Broome at Darkadia - including a new take on "still life"!

Pictures are spread gallery-like around the rooms of one floor in the main building at Darkadia, with the name of each artist in prominently displayed in the Clan’s stylish Latex Web logo.

Rubber Doll by CS Nijan

As mentioned above, “fetish” is a broad theme for an exhibition, and as such many of the artists have submitted pieces that reflect this, with their displays comprising an assortment of images and ideas. Others have kept to a more specific approach and have works on display that reflect their particular interests.

Many of the images clearly reflect fetishism as it is broadly perceived in SL: lots of shiny, tight latex, all-enclosing hoods and gas masks, thigh-length boots and dagger-like stilettos. Other images point to the harsher, darker side of BDSM – although these are in the minority.

From a personal perspective, I was drawn very much to those images that, rather than being posed, were suggestive of being a moment caught in time – a scene from a larger story – Sacha Audeburgh’s Ama and Din in the light being a case in point.

"Charlot - total latex" by Ainsworth Gastel

As I said, this display is not going to be to everyone’s taste – but those who have no precoceptions on fetish, BDSM and Second Life are liable to find a rich and pleasing diversity of talent and styles in the exhibit that offer a myriad of perspectives on love, Domination and submission – and, frankly, a lot of kinky fun!

So, if you do like a little kink in your life (and as you’re reading this blog, I assume you do!), why not pay a visit to Darkadia? The exhibition runs through until the 14th November.

"Ama and Din in the light" by Sacha Audeburgh

Opening the gates

Entry into subspace (and indeed Dominant space) in rl is facilitated by many factors: setting, touch, taste, sounds, scents, mood, atmosphere, and so on. Very often, a subtle form of foreplay can be used by a D/s couple to enhance the mood and the scene: the Dominant will sit with the submissive, making gentle and repetitive contact (lightly stroking their hair, caressing their cheek, etc.), while talking in a very soft, quiet tone, paying compliments and / or telling how much they love and care for the submissive, all the while generating a relaxed atmosphere of trust and assurance that the submissive is safe.

Such actions in turn cause the submissive to focus their thoughts on the Dominant, and so a flow of energy is established: the Dominant focuses on the submissive through touch and words, and in return, the submissive focuses thoughts and responses on the Dominant – indeed, they begin to reach out to the Dominant. So much so that, many submissives state that they actually start feeling their Dominant inside their thoughts; their own internal voice is quieted as they listen more and more for the voice of their Dominant, allowing them to lead the submissive deeper into subspace and initiate more direct contact (binding the sub, etc.), until they naturally slide into what might be called “fully in-scene”.

The virtual dimension

It’s very hard to reproduce such a situation in Second Life; there are few sensual triggers we can use, unless we are lucky enough to be able to share time completely in private, when it might be possible for both parties to purchase similar scented candles, use the same background music, etc., to create a “mutual” atmosphere which helps sent the mental tone.  Voice is another elements that might be used to enhance the situation; after all, what can be more evocative than hearing the voice of one’s Dominant leading one into deeper and deeper waters? Voice also brings greater immediacy and intimacy, removing as it does the encumbrance of the keyboard from the scene. Sadly, most find the opportunities wherein they can use Voice to be very limited. 

That said, one of the few advantages many SL submissives do have is that they may well have initiated their first steps into subspace simply by logging-in. The very act of sitting down in front of the computer to access Second Life and meet with their Dominant and D/s friends may well help move them from normal space into marginally down space whether they are aware of it or not.

Even so, coming into SL with the anticipation of experiencing subspace and actually experiencing it can still be difficult for some.

Bridging the gap

The first thing a couple wishing to experience “deeper” levels of subspace should do is to take a little time out beforehand to prepare things as far as possible: try to set a time when you can be together relatively free of other “rl” distractions; make sure comfort breaks have been taken care of beforehand & the pets have been seen to; make sure you have something to drink on hand rather than risking a run to the kitchen mid-scene. Obviously, if you can do the other things – the candles, music, etc., so much the better.

Take the time to engage in a little verbal foreplay – and I’m not talking sex here - use chat or IM; use emotes. It is very much down to the Dominant to lead here; simulate touch, describe actions simply and deliberately; use whisper from time to time to add a feeling of intimacy. Again, the idea is to open the submissive’s mind; build a world inside their head, encourage them to mentally visualise and sense what is happening, what the Dominant is doing, drawing their focus away from their rl surroundings. 

The best way of achieving this is to keep chat and emotes short; aim for simple descriptions, “/me brushes a hand lightly over your ass” and simple comments, “You do have *such* a delightful rear….” Keep things to one or two lines. Leave paragraph-length prose and descriptions for later; the aim here is to focus attention and build rapport. Keeping things short and to the point is the by far the best way of achieving this.

The Dominant should also avoid falling into the trap of defining the submissive’s response to anything they do; this detracts from the submissive’s experience and diminishes their role in proceedings to that of observer. Let them respond in their own way and in their own time.

As with rl, a deep scene takes time to build even in an established relationship; the feedback loop between Dominant and submissive must be allowed to develop without it being forced. If a couple are slipping into a scene where one is conscious that time may work against them, it may actually be better to say so and agree to pull back a little to avoid disappointment later.

Alert

At all times, the Dominant should remain alert to the submissive’s responses. The submissive’s state of mind can often be assessed by their responses: they become progressively shorter, possibly down to single-word utterances and their emotes abbreviated; crudeness or profanities may become more apparent. All are generally signs the submissive is in a deeper level of subspace.

Similarly, long silences shouldn’t necessarily be taken as a sign the submissive is bored or engaged in IMs with someone else. Rather, they may also be an indication that the submissive is slipping further into their subspace.

The Dominant should use such cues to progress the scene, perhaps moving it naturally into bondage (and here is where RLV is a marvellous aide, allowing the Dominant to simply slip a pair of cuffs onto the submissive as a “spontaneous” act which can take the submissive genuinely by surprise and massively enhance their excitement & feelings of being controlled).

That said, don’t allow on-screen actions to circumvent  / interfere with the contact that has been established; yes, it’s great to play with whips and chains – but again if  time is being spent hunting through Inventory for this or that or trying to use every toy in your playroom – focus is going to be lost. Far better to craft a scene with certain activities in mind, using playthings in their proper role as props, rather than focus.

Because of the degree of separation involved in SL (people can’t physically see one another), it *is* important that should rl interfere with the flow of things on one side or the other, the person affected by the interference should inform the other. Neither Dominant nor submissive should vanish into silence (unless it is utterly unavoidable). Should such breaks occur, it is important that the link between Dominant and submissive is re-established; don’t simply jump right back into things; the interruption will inevitably upset the focus (especially if it was the submissive yanked back into the mundane needs of rl) – so it is important the emotional / trusting link between Dominant and submissive is brought back into focus.

This may sound like a lot of hard work when D/s is supposed to be fun; but subspace is a multi-layered experience; how far a person enters into it is dependent on a wide range of direct and indirect factors, and thus does require a little effort by both Dominant and submissive. While it is not an absolute requirement for enjoying D/s, it does add depth and dimension to a scene and a relationship.

And finally – as always – any period of play in which the submissives has been exposed and/or entered subspace, should be followed by a natural period of aftercare, cuddles, gentle words, nuances, all designed to ease the submissive back to the “here and now”.

Dominant space in some ways mirrors subspace, although its practical outworkings are somewhat different. Rather than entering a trance-like state, a Dominant in Dominant space tends to experience heightened awareness; they’ll experience a steady upswing of energy and desire as they sink deeper into Dominant space, and overall, become more attuned to the submissive under their control.

Like subspace, Dominant space exists on a number of levels.

Top and Alert space

At the top, as one might expect, is top,  or normal space. The Dominant in this space will function perfectly normally, dealing with the slings and arrows of mundane life. It is entirely equitable with the kind of normal space experienced by submissives.

Beneath this is what I refer to as alert space. The Dominant moves into this space when something happens to shift them away from everyday needs to focus on their submissive. This shift may be triggered by something within the Dominant – a change of clothes, looking at a picture, etc; or it may be an external stimuli – a scent, a sound, a comment. It may equally come from the submissive in the form of a touch, an expression, a look – something that alerts the Dominant to the submissive’s desire to feel their control. Whatever the trigger, the Dominant will maintain an awareness of everything else around them, but their focus will be on their submissive. If nothing further occurs, the Dominant will generally return to top space. Thus, this “alert space” can be equated with a submissive’s “marginally down” space.

Going deeper

If the stimuli that triggered the Dominant into alert space continues, then the Dominant will move beyond “alert” to what might be called active space, where their Dominant nature comes more to the fore. Such stimuli can be as simple as the submissive’s move from top space to marginally down space (itself perhaps the result of the Dominant’s focused attention, thus giving rise to an entirely natural feedback between the two), or could be the continued influence of outside factors.  As the Dominant moves into this space, they feel an upswing in energy; perceptions alter, adrenaline flow will increase and they’ll feel a heightened desire and sensitivity that can trigger a scene.

Once a scene has been initiated, the Dominant may experience a sensation of alert mental detachment; a separation of their emotional responses to everything around them. Some may experience a sense of energy flow from the submissive to themselves; some Dominants have even stated that as they move deeper into this space, they have a distinct feeling of being “inside” their submissive: they experience the scene from the submissive’s perspective and may even “hear” the mind of the submissive.

There is a strong feedback loop established as the Dominant moves into, and through this space, which occupies the span between the submissives “sammy space” and “blonde space”. Indeed, in secure relationships, the playful use of sammy space on the part of the submissive can  – where appropriate – encourage the Dominant to move into their active space. It can help start and/or progress the scene beyond its initial opening, and trigger heightened responses and excitement in the Dominant.

As the Dominant moves deeper into this space, so to their excitement accelerates and their responses become more sharply focused on the submissive and the scene itself. The emotional detachment experienced as the scene moves beyond the playful enables the Dominant to both take actions with their submissive in ways they might find difficult when in top space, and enables them to remain aware of the submissive’s own state of mind and attuned to keeping the play on the safe side of any red line.

Where the feedback loop is healthily established, the further “down” the submissive goes in scene, the higher up the Dominant tends to go; the submissive’s responses to the Dominant’s actions trigger and re-trigger the Dominant. It can be a euphoric cycle for both, with energy flowing back and forth as the scene progresses. However, there is one important difference: part of the intensity the Dominant experiences is due to the need to maintain tight mental and physical control on the scene to ensure the submissive does not suffer harm. This control itself can build to a peak of release within the Dominant that is as intense and satisfying as the release experienced by the submissive.

Aftercare

Aftercare is as important for a Dominant coming out of Dominant space as it is for a submissive returning from subspace.

While the Dominant has not been as mentally exposed as the submissive, they have nevertheless carried a significant mental load and exhibited considerable mental (and physical in the case of rl) control. In doing so, they have removed themselves from reality, and thus need to ease back into it as much as the submissive. Therefore, cuddles, care and attention can be as beneficial for the Dominant as they are for the submissive; the only real difference may be in the way the care is supplied. For the Dominant providing aftercare to a submissive, it is something of a deliberate act, a willingness to take the submissive into their arms and hold them, while for the submissive, it may be a more instinctive response to the love and attention the Dominant is giving them, generating a more subtle feedback loop that comforts both players and enables them to return to top space.

However, the caring submissive should always be on the alert for situations wherein the Dominant needs aftercare. It is perfectly possible for a scene to lead a Dominant into Dominant space even if the submissive doesn’t “fully” experience subspace (just as it is possible for a submissive to slip into subspace without the Dominant really moving beyond alert space). In these situations, the submissive should be willing to offer some aftercare, such as a cuddle and post-scene gentle chat.

Primal space

Dominant space, again like subspace, can include a level of  primal space. As with submissives, breaching this level may be rare, but it can be equally devastating. A Dominant reaching this space in rl can become dangerous – especially if they are new to D/s. Their system can become flooded with chemicals that push them beyond the controlled detachment that is vital to a safe scene, and become completely detached from the welfare of the submissive in their care.

It is unlikely that primal space can be subconsciously reached within the confines of Second Life for much the same reasons it is unlikely many submissives within SL will experience it for themselves. However, the risk is there, and any Dominant experiencing such total detachment within themselves and from their submissive should take steps to exit the scene as quickly as possible. Further, “primal space” should not be offered up as an excuse for wanton cruelty, and submissives within SL who hear any Dominant talking freely about their ability to access “primal space” or pass comments relating to their “Dominance making their cruel and hard” would do well to examine both the Dominant and their motives closely before engaging in a scene.

Conclusion

Space – be it sub or Dominant  – exists in many forms both in rl and SL. While we may not experience all of them in our SL lives, we should all be aware of how they tend to manifest themselves, and we should all understand the need to deal with them responsibly.

Defining subspace

Broadly speaking, subspace is generally regarded as a moderate to deep, almost trace-like, condition experienced by a submissive during intense or erotic interaction with their Dominant. It exposes the sub to a range of emotions and feelings that can in turn trigger a heightened response to the Dominant’s manipulations, and equally leave the submissive emotionally and psychologically vulnerable and at risk. Submissives entering this space require careful monitoring by the Dominant throughout the scene to make sure they do not place themselves in danger, and require post-scene aftercare that eases them back to a rational state of mind.

Clinically, subspace can be defined as a sympathetic nervous system response to the intense pain / pleasure experienced during a scene which causes a release of epinephrine, endorphins and enkephalins. These in turn have a morphine-like effect on the metabolism, which increases the pain tolerance of the submissive while inducing the trance-like condition referred to above. This is often expressed by submissives as an almost out-of-body experience in which they feel as if they are detached from reality, observing what is happening to them, rather than participating. Many submissives reaching the deeper levels of subspace can lose all sensation of pain, as any stimulus causes this trance-like detachment to be prolonged. Hence the need for both care and attention on the part of the Dominant should a submissive enter this state, as it is only the Dominant who can keep the submissive from experiencing harm.

Within SL, the more physical elements of subspace are not easy to reproduce: there is no physical contact between Dominant and submissive for a start, so the submissive may not be aware of any physical detachment. Aural and olfactory stimuli are also missing, while the visual stimuli is far from perfect – external interruptions can all too easily break the submissive’s focus. Thus, the submissives journey into the deeper levels of subspace may not be easy or achievable to their fullest extent.

However, it is possible for submissives to slip into a mental state when engaged in SL scening wherein the the glandular releases described above can occur and carry them into subspace. These in turn then heighten the submissive’s awareness and generate an increased responsiveness  to the idea of pain and induce other reactions that are commonly associated with subspace (such as an apparent drop in IQ and the use of cruder language as discussed later in this piece). Thus, a feedback loop is created within the submissive that draws them into subspace as effectively as might occur in rl – and the caring Dominant will always look for signs of the submissive slipping into it.

One thing that should be understood is that subspace exists on many levels. Precisely how many and what they are called tends to vary according to the expert addressing the issue. If we were to look at things rationally, one might define the initial levels of subspace in terms of a number of levels.

Top and Marginally Down

The first two levels are what are popularly referred to as “top” (or “normal”) space and “marginally down” space within the real world, and both tend to exist in Second Life.

Top (or normal) space: This is the space that, I think it fair to say, gets most overlooked in Second Life. Put simply, top space is the “mundane” or everyday living mode for the submissive: getting up, going about the requirements of daily life, seeing to family needs, gawking at the television, and so on. I refer to it as the most “overlooked” in Second Life, simply because the decision-making processes involved in setting the needs of the day off to one side, powering-up a computer, starting and logging-in to Second Life tends to naturally move the SL submissive somewhat out of top space and more naturally into the next level down. Even so, top space still has an ability to impact our SL submissive lives, as simply turning on the computer cannot make it totally go away – not when there is a partner in the next room who might demand attention, or a pet running around that needs seeing to, or an unexpected telephone call that can shatter a mood, whether or not we opt to let the answerphone take it for us.

Marginally down space: in rl, this tends to be when the Dominant in a relationship directs attention on the submissive. This tends to be through the use of a recognised trigger – a glance, a touch, a sound – or a combination of such factors. The result is to drop the submissive out of top space and into a condition of listening and anticipation. In some relationships, the change in the submissive is very physical, if subtle: they stop talking or moving; their attention becomes focused on the Dominant, waiting to see if further signals are forthcoming. If they are, the submissive generally slips further into subspace; if nothing further is forthcoming, or if the Dominant deliberately eases back from directing attention on the submissive, the submissive generally returns to top space. This “marginally down” space is frequently the condition many submissives are in when they log in to Second Life: they are focused on their Dominant, attuned to the verbal / written cues (chat or emote) that the Dominant may give that can carry the submissive deeper into subspace.

Going deeper

Beyond this, things get more complicated. How far “down” a submissive goes into subspace is dependent upon a variety of factors: the skill of the Dominant in understanding the submissive’s needs; the Dominant’s ability to constructively manipulate and feed such needs and desires; how well the submissive trusts and relates to the Dominant; and so on. Environment, setting and external stimuli such as sounds, music, scents, etc., also can play a significant part in carrying a submissive deeper into subspace. Many submissives aren’t actually aware that they are “in” subspace but rather only realise what has happened after the fact. The nature of SL, given the inherent nature of rl intrusions into our digital lives makes entry into these deeper levels of subspace somewhat harder to achieve and maintain – which is not to say they cannot be experienced in the right circumstances.

One of the first major indicators that a submissive is slipping into a deeper level of subspace is that their IQ apparently starts to progressively diminish; the ability to process and understand what is happening to them become blurred; rational thought becomes elusive, and so on. Ask a submissive how they are feeling when in this state, and their reply is liable to be “I dunno” or similar. In rl scenarios, this admission of not knowing is liable to be true: at its deepest, this state leaves the submissive utterly dependent upon the Dominant to ensure no harm is done to them.

Another element that can denote the submissive is slipping into subspace is the use of language itself – their words become more and more crude, they find greater delight and arousal in being talked to and about in crude terms. Vulgarities trigger reactions as much as touches. Together, these two signs: the apparent reduction in their ability to process thought rationally and / or the use of cruder language tends to indicate the submissive is in what is referred to as blonde space.

A submissive slipping into the deepest levels of subspace many reach the level of primal space. Within rl scenes when in this condition, the submissive can become feral; words become grunts and snarls, they can show hypersensitivity to sound and light and movement. If not bound, the submissive in this state can become dangerous and will not stop short of scratching and biting – or worse.

Of these two states, Blonde space can be encountered within SL, even if the submissive is not deeply into the state, and tends to be most obviously demonstrated by the sudden excitement generated by hearing and using crude language and / or in being called names. Primal space is potentially the harder level to move a submissive into through the medium of SL; given the overall impact on the submissive and the lack of physical support, it is one I would caution against and Dominant trying to lead their submissive into such a state.

Sammy space

There is one other aspect of subspace worth mentioning – although many in rl squirm when it is discussed, and many submissives will outright deny that it exists. This is sammy space, or what FRR Mallory calls “sprite space”; and it is one quite common in one form or another in Second Life.

In sammy space, which tends to exist somewhere between “marginally down” and “blonde space”, the submissive seems to become willful: clips may become undone, or the submissive will move from an assigned pose or will flirt or use cheeky retorts. Sometimes this reaction is borne of a need to test the Dominant to assess whether the Dominant is really paying attention; this is the negative aspect of sammy space, because if the Dominant is found wanting, it is taken as a sign that they do not “love” the submissive.

However, the kind of wilfulness that results from sammy space can be beneficial if the submissive is prepared to channel it properly. Rather than being used as a means of testing the Dominant, it can be used as a means of engaging in further play. By showing token resistance through playful interchange, the submissive is demonstrating both their trust in the Dominant (not to react utterly negatively to the play) and their willingness to be taken further into subspace. In turn, this kind of play can trigger the Dominant’s own progression into the oh-so-rarely talked about realm of Dominant space.

Care and attention

Within rl, and throughout the subspace experience, the submissive needs constant attention – not just to heighten their experience and responses while in scene, but also to ensure that the submissive is not / has not reached a point where they can no longer differentiate between safe and dangerous play or use a safeword to show distress. Thus, the Dominant has the responsibility to watch the submissive through the scene and adapt and adjust their own actions accordingly.

As the submissive “returns” from subspace – as the scene concludes, for example -  the parasympathetic nervous system responds, and the submissive can experience exhaustion, incoherence and feelings of emotional emptiness, all of which need to be dealt with through care, emotional support and – at it most basic – simple human contact through cuddles and caresses. In some cases coming out of subspace can trigger feelings of shame, self loathing or disgust within the submissive, and these to need to be identified by the Dominant and dealt with in sincere care to avoid the submissive Dropping.

How far a submissive can descend into subspace within an environment such at Second Life is open to debate. As I’ve indicated above, my personal view is that the medium itself means that the majority of submissives tend to operate in the “marginally down” through to “blonde space” (including sammy space). I certainly hold the view that trying to move into the deeper, more primal levels of subspace through the medium of SL is unwise and quite possibly impractical.

Speaking from my own SL experiences, I can openly admit that I’m not aware of taking a submissive much beyond blonde space of subspace; this may be through a lack of technique on my part – and I have to admit that until Second Life becomes truly immersive and allows us to replicate touch, scents, sounds, etc., as they can be used in rl, I doubt I’ll be anywhere near as effective as a Dominant as (I hope) I am in rl.

That said, just because the deeper levels of subspace may not be reachable within the confines of SL does not mean that a few basic precepts common to dealing with submissives in rl cannot be applied equally to SL. Indeed, I would go so far as to say they have equal meaning is SL as they do in rl:

• Never leave a submissive alone in subspace without warning or for extended periods, and never abruptly end a scene in which you know the submissive is in subspace  – however marginal – without taking time to help them recover to top space. This doesn’t have to be complicated: showing care through words, emotes and even the use of simple cuddle props, can help the submissive recover and give them visual cues to your care and love for them
• Never impose responsibility on the submissive for any aspect of the play or for their descent into subspace. If you want interaction, keep the play to marginal space or sammy space. Go too deep into blonde space and the play can become too one-side as the submissive has moved to a state of mind where the ability to clearly communicate is lost.
• Always leave time for recovery after a scene, even if you believe the submissive has barely dipped into subspace. The experience for the submissive doesn’t have to be earth-shattering, mind-blowing or any other hyperbole in order for it to have an impact – and nothing builds trust and commitment more than a sincere demonstration of love and support when helping a submissive return to top space.

But how does one who has little practical experience in the world of D/s, but would like to adopt the mantle of a Dominant, go about things?

All too often, people entering the D/s environment within SL do so in the mistaken belief that being Dominant is not something you learn, it is simply something you “are”. This can lead to some very odd extremes of behaviour that can encompass, but are not limited to – rudeness, swagger, foolish chatter and/or demands, and sometimes a pompous belief in their own infallibility.

But the truth is, no-one is truly born Dominant. Like any other skill, Domination is something that can, and is, learnt; it is refined and honed over time as an ongoing process that encompasses both experience and learning in a mutual loop of self-development. “Good” Dominants will admit that they are constantly learning, no matter how experienced they may appear to be.

This being the case, if you are coming into SL D/s for the very first time, there is no need to feel you have to reach for a mask or adopt a certain style of behaviour in order to establish your “credentials”.

It’s not in a title

Thus we come to “Pey’s First Rule of Domination”: Your status as a Dominant is not determined by the tag you hang above your name. It is defined by how you act and interact.

Taking time out to watch how others interact is one of the best activities the “newbie Dom(me)” can engage in, watching how other Dominants interact with those around them. Observation can also give valuable insight into the types of behaviour that don’t go down so well with those who are established in SL D/s.

And observe means just that. There is an etiquette to D/s and BDSM that extends into SL. Finding others engaged in open play at a public sim is, not, I’m afraid, an invitation for anyone to join in. Nor are all subs obliged to kneel before every Master or Mistress they happen to come across.

Which is not to say that some engaged in public scenes wouldn’t welcome an additional pair of hands (or feet, or a forked tongue or furry tail or whatever tickles their fancy…); some people do get turned on by-play with strangers. Some Dom(mes) like to see their subs played with and excited at the hands of others.

So how do you tell the difference?

Well, a big clue is in the invitation; if you’re invited to participate, you can take it that your involvement will be appreciated. BUT….don’t leap in with both feet. How has the play proceeded so far? What limits have been expressed? What limits have been implied? Has the Dom(me) or (just as importantly) the sub expressed any preferences for the play or indicated part of the play has moved towards a limit that shouldn’t be crossed? How have others behaved around the sub? Have they used harsher language, have they used corporal punishment, or have they been more tender? Take your lead from what you have seen going on before you, use IM to establish anything you are unsure of, and moderate your play accordingly. Again, “domination” does not necessarily involve leaping forward, whip in hand and flailing the living daylights out of someone – and if that hasn’t happened in the scene so far and no indication has been given that the sub would enjoy it, it’s a fair bet that it would probably not be welcomed.

Equally importantly, remember that just because you’re invited to engage in the play doesn’t mean you must. If you feel uncomfortable or awkward, you can actually politely refuse; no-one will think any less of you for doing so. D/s is as much about respecting limits and preferences as it is about anything else – and no-one will think any the less of you for expressing a preference not to directly engage in the play at hand.

“Talk to me”

Which brings me to “Pey’s Second Rule of Domination”: always communicate. Never, ever, be afraid to seek advice, to ask questions. Sure, some of them may mark you out as a “newbie” – but there is absolutely no shame in that; and I’ve yet to find a good Dominant who will tear your lungs out for politely seeking advice from them. Well, providing you are diplomatic; asking, “Why did you do this? Why did you say that? How do you find out if your sub…” during a scene may well not go down to well! Pick your time wisely, and people will generally be willing to help.

And communication goes much further than one-to-one conversations. While it is true that many “wannabe” (in the most negative sense) Dominants are loud, bombastic, opinionated and all around pains in the posterior. However, This doesn’t mean you need to be the mouse in the corner.

People tend to be attracted to others who show genuine warmth and wit, and who demonstrate demonstrate intelligence, a willingness to show empathy, and so on. These traits apply to Dominants as well; so what if you lack “hard” experience? Simply being yourself, talking with people getting to know the “regulars” at your preferred playground, group or club and allowing your sensibilities and sense of humour to naturally shine, will go a long way towards generating open and warm responses to you and help people build a fair and reasonable assessment of you.

And in that regard – don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself. Among other things, BDSM in SL involves a bewildering array of toys and devices, and no two product lines are alike; there are no given standards for how menus should work. So it is very easy to get things wrong, or look (in your own eyes) a complete twit or feel yourself panicking as you fumble. This is all perfectly natural and nothing to be ashamed of. The important thing is not to let it get to you. Take a calming breath, make a joke at your own expense. Not only will it help prevent tension developing, it’ll demonstrate that you are able to keep your ego under control – which is no bad thing for a Dominant.

It’s a learning process

Which brings us to “Pey’s Rule Three”: Give yourself time to learn and grow. Don’t expect – or try – to become an Instant Expert. D/s has a culture and language of its own which can be daunting to learn. As well as asking those around you, there are a lot of good resources out on the web you can use. Use them. Confused when someone talks about “SSC” or “RACK” – sneak a peek via your web browser. You don’t have to demonstrate any newly acquired knowledge, but simply taking the time to look such things up can only broaden your understanding. I’ve tried to provide insight into the Dominant lifestyle through these pages; hopefully they may help the aspiring Dominant – and there are other resources out there. Leather and Roses is one; Google will turn up others.

Giving yourself time to explore, learn, ask, etc., will help you better understand the direction you’ll like to grow your D/s experience in SL and  - allow you to find your own style: how you like to behave, your manner to chat, the confidence you exude, your manner of dress. All these are quintessential markers of the who you are and how you wish to be regarded – and if you let them grow naturally as you gain experience, you’ll fnd they both fit and serve you a lot better than simply grabbing the nearest “Dominant’s outfit” and strutting your stuff while wearing it.

Always remember…reputations spread easily in any environment….and that is so true of SL. And just like any other club, group, clique, gathering, or interest, it is a lot harder to get rid of a “bad” reputation than it is to establish a “good” reputation.

If you’re of a mind, seek out one of the D/s groups I’ve listed below. You’ll find people – Dominants and submissives like – willing to encourage, support and help; they also provide friendly environments in which you can discover more about D/s – and may offer talks and a similar on a range of D/s topics.

Peer pressure

And all that said….don’t be tempted to give in to peer pressure. We all approach D/s differently. We all have our own hopes, wants, and desires, so that what is right for one Dom(me) may not necessarily be right for you. So what if Mistress X has collared 8 subs, and all are happily devoted to her? It doesn’t mean you have to leap out and collar half-a-dozen subs of your own to be regarded as a “Dominant”. You may just as easily find that progressing to the point where you give your collar to just one sub is all the fulfilment the two of you require. Equally, you may find the whole collaring / relationship “thing” way over-rated, and that becoming a “staff” Dom(me) at a reputable club or playground is more to your liking, or that simple casual play is more suited to the time you have for SL.

D/s Groups and locations

This list is not exhaustive, but highlights a number of in-world Groups that may assist the budding Dominant (and submissive!):

• BDSM Forum – Forum island: a newcomer-friendly BDSM group on a private sim; Group membership is by invitation. Talks and tours available. Voice can be used
• Estate Obscure – Estate Obscure: a women-only D/s group and private sim for Dommes, submissives and Switches. Run with care, knowledge and understanding
• D/s Council of Second Life: dedicated to promoting, protecting, & understanding, D/s lifestyle in all its forms. Members of this group are expected to care for one another, practice responsible D/s, and to respect all forms of D/s in the secondlife community. Membership is restricted and must be approved by an officer (see the Group listing in-world).

Further Reading

• The nature of Domination
• The loving Dominant
• Dominant roles
• Dominant typology

Categories

Broadly speaking, Dominants in Second Life tend to fall into three primary categories: the casual, the moderate and the lifestyle.

The casual Dominant can be described as one who has little or no desire to engage in a significant D/s relationship. For them it is the thrill of the chase, the capture of a now experience, a new submissive or two and new ways of finding pleasure / giving torment or tease. Short-term capture and interaction over a few days may form a part of their activities, but they are by-and-large not seeking a long-term relationship – although some might make and exception if someone very special comes along.  Open play sims, kidnap rp sims and the like tend to be popular with the casual Dominant.

The moderate Dominant is someone for whom D/s is very much a focus of their SL life, but who also engage in other activities that may lead to them spending a fair amount of time and effort away from anything that is D/s-oriented. This is not to say they are not committed to “being” Dominant, rather that their SL life is more reflective, perhaps of rl, where we all tend to engage in a plethora or interests and pursuits. They are more involved in relationship-style D/s than the casual Dominant, but not exclusively so.

The lifestyle Dominant is someone who sees D/s as their raison d’être for being in SL, with all other interests being somewhat secondary to having a “fully D/s” lifestyle while in-world. In keeping with this goal, the lifestyle Dominant may adopt the more forceful Dominant roles, frequently combining that of the Controller and that of the Disciplinarian. They also tend to opt for a style of dress that reflects their deep involved in SL D/s: boots, uniforms, visible accoutrements such as whips, etc., on open display. This is perhaps the type of Dominant that those new to SL and D/s aspire to, as it is seen as symbolising “the lifestyle”.

Within the moderate and lifestyle categories of Dominant one may also find the Collector and the Matriarch / Patriarch.

The Collector, as the name suggests is someone who tends to gather submissives quickly – often according to some specific criteria or role-play requirement. The Collector tends to collar quickly, and is inclined to see the size of their collection as a sign of their prowess as a Dominant. This is not to say the Collector is unskilled as a Dominant; rather the reverse, they are probably quite adept at assuming one or more Dominant roles that enable them to attract submissives. However, they may not always place a priority in maintaining the balance within their group, nor be willing (or indeed able) to provide the attention and /or nurture submissives in their charge to the degree the submissive desires. As a result of this, Collectors tend to have a high turn-over of submissives.

The Matriarch / Patriarch may appear similar to the Collector, but in fact their goal is very different. It is not quantity that counts with the Matriarch / Patriarch, it is quality. The quick collar is rare here; rather then will take time to get to know a potential and see how the potential engages and relates to those submissives already within the “family”. As a result, the units they form tend to be more close-knit and enduring, with a much lower turnover than the Collector may experience. Submissives who require a little more in the way of nurturing and support can settle into such units, where they will receive the love and support of their peers during those times when the Dominant’s attention is focused elsewhere, and they will have the assurance that their Dominant is invested in them.

Why draw any distinction?

Why is it important to draw any distinction as to the “types” of Dominants one may encounter?

Well, because for any D/s relationship to flourish each side needs to be able to recognise with whom they are dealing. If a submissive is looking for someone who will nurture them, helping them to grow in their role, share SL life and times with them – then it is fair to say, engaging with a casual Dominant could well lead to heartache; they’d be much better off with a moderate or lifestyle Dominant – with the caveat that it’ may not be a good idea for a submissive with these needs to seek a deep engagement with a Collector.

Similarly, the submissive seeking to surrender absolutely to a Dominant as far as it is possible within SL, their wish being that they are placed under “total control” at all times, may well find their needs better met by the lifestyle Dominant than perhaps by the moderate Dominant who may spend som of their SL time engaged in activities removed from D/s.

That said, it should be understood that there is no implied hierarchy here: the moderate Dominant is not necessarily more skilled than the casual or less skilled than the lifestyle Dominant. Nor is any given type of Dominant more adept in applying the various Dominant roles. The only real differentiators between them are in terms of their willingness to be involved in longer-term relationships in SL and  /or their commitments to D/s and other interests that they have in SL which may impact on their ability, time and willingness to engage “purely” in D/s-related activities.

So one might say the watchword here is to be aware of what is going on around you and the people you’re interacting with – be aware of the types of roles evidenced – but don’t completely typecast people by their initial behaviour. It takes time to understand and appreciate who and what they are.

Further Reading

• The loving Dominant
• The nature of domination
• Dominant roles

The Disciplinarian

This role focuses on discipline as the means by which power is exercised. Rules are a major factor in the Disciplinarian’s activities, any infringement of which will result in punishment of one sort of another, be it stringent bondage, corporal punishment or a combination of both. Sexual discipline can also be a hallmark of this role, with CBT and / or chastity devices frequently being employed.

At the extreme end of the scale, the Disciplinarian role may well dip into that of sadism – again, a common trait in SL, but one which is less common than one might think in real life D/s.  Here the role becomes far more capricious: the submissive is subjected to heavy bondage, restriction, isolation and undergoes heavy punishments purely on the Dominant’s whim and with little regard for their own enjoyment. Those with a more domineering attitude and little practical exposure to D/s tend to associate themselves with this role, mistakenly believing it is a sign of “genuine” dominance.

The Controller

The Controller takes control of the submissive’s Second Life, determining absolutely everything that the submissive can and cannot do, say or wear, generally through extensive use of RLV restrictions. The Controller takes enormous pleasure / power from controlling every aspect of a submissive’s life, and tends to be of the opinion that power isn’t power unless it is being demonstrated, be it through their sub being in some form of constant bondage, or made to wear a specific uniform or trapped in Mouselook. While this can initially be exciting for all parties involved, over time the role can become one-dimensional, and the submissive that initially craves this kind of attention / treatment can become frustrated. Similarly, the inexperienced Dominant adopting only this role can initially gain significant pleasure from it, but can find that being responsible for absolutely everything becomes wearing.

The Power Wielder

The Power Wielder is similar to the Controller in that they will make decisions and call the shots, but not so overtly or directly as the Controller. Rather than directing what will happen from the start, the Power Wielder may seem to seek opinions, expressing a desire in terms of a question. “Are you in the mood for some public bondage?” might sound like a choice on engaging in a public scene of or is on offer, but a “no thank you,” won’t be considered an acceptable response; rather, the Power Wielder is seeking the submissive’s input on where they might carry out the scene.

The Power Wielder does not necessarily require that their control over the submissive to be always on display through the use of leashes or bondage, etc. The submissive is expected to demonstrate a degree of intuitiveness – knowing what to wear, how to behave, etc., without being commanded. They may even enjoy some latitude in what they can do when the Dominant is not available.

The Omniscient One

This role is adopted by Dominants who are serene and naturally confident in both their self-identity and in their abilities as a Dominant. They had little need to make demands, snap orders, hand the submissive a set of rules as long as your arm, wield a whip; their power is subliminal – and infinitely attractive. Submissives are naturally attracted to Dominants fully involved in this role and frequently find themselves “obeying” the Dominant even though no orders or requests have been made – merely suggestions. They do so, because making a positive impression on such Dominants is somehow important.

As a more passive role than those described above, the Omniscient One is generally deeply intuitive, and can frequently read between the lines when conversing with a submissive, almost as if they’re reading the submissive’s mind. Knowledge is power here, and explanations may not always be fully forthcoming when managing a scene or situation; rather it is expected that those around them to work things out for themselves.

Such is the confidence usually commanded by the Dominant at home in this role, that Dominants with a Switch personality will frequently submit to them, simply because of the levels of trust and confidence they inspire.

The Goddess

The Goddess role represents the unobtainable, the ultimate desire a submissive wishes to reach, but believes they never can. The role involves keeping the submissive at a distance, keeping them yearning and striving, and only allowing them small pieces of the Dominant, never the whole. This role is frequently adopted by Dominants when they are seeking a submissive, it is a role that is intensely alluring to submissives and can set the Dominant comfortable in the role head-and-shoulders above others. It is also a role that, while it can be maintained in and of itself in more casual relationships, tends to segue into one of the other primary roles – particularly that of the Omniscient – as a specific Dominant / submissive relationship deepens.

The Nurturer

The Nurturer places the well-being of their subs first and foremost; generally appearing unassuming and thoughtful. The role involves encouragement and gentle teaching – the nurturing and growth of submissives being the driving force. The Nurturer is often as much a friend and confidante for those around them as they are Dominant, reflecting some of the characteristics of the Omniscient One in this respect. The role may also tend to overlap with the more active roles of Controller and Disciplinarian, which can surface when undue wilfulness is shown on the part of a submissive, or where sterner lessons need to be taught.

The Sensualist

The Sensualist focuses on the physical pleasures of sexuality and the heightened response generated by arousal. A Dominant engaging in the Sensualist role tends to thrive in witnessing the submissive’s responses to their overtures and in controlling the submissive’s levels of arousal, playing them almost like an instrument. Teasing sexual arousal and orgasm denial are common tools of the Sensualist. While bondage and restriction may be involved, the function of any bondage involved is to enhance the submissive sense of vulnerability and helplessness, rather than to instil any feeling of forthcoming punishment. The Sensualist will manipulate and torment the submissive gently, their own arousal and satisfaction increasing as the submissive’s own arousal / frustration / enjoyment increases; generating a powerful dynamic that can be satisfying to both in and of itself, or which can counterpoint other active Dominant roles within a scene for even greater excitement and satisfaction.

The Tease

Like the Sensualist, the Tease enjoys getting their subs aroused and draws confidence and pleasure from knowing they are the object of desire for the sub. The role is slightly more one-sided than the Sensualist, as it is more focused on teasing the submissive for the Tease’s own enjoyment rather than in mutual arousal and feedback.

Within SL, the role of the Tease can be quite common in open role-play Groups and areas where “casual” play can be found, the role being readily adopted by Dominants looking for a little light fun and their own enjoyment. In these situations the Dominant may well take a willing submissive through an escalating scene – and quiet possibly knock them down once the Dominant’s needs have been satisfied, regardless of the submissive’s own state. Nevertheless, it is because of their deft manipulations, that the Tease may well be a strong object of attraction for a submissive.

No absolutes

As mentioned earlier, there are no absolutes with the roles a Dominant may take – that can ebb and flow through scene and situation. While it is common for Dominants to settle into a specific primary role, and accentuate it through the adoption of secondary roles and / or elements of other primary roles, it is not unusual for a Dominant to adopt different primary roles during their time in SL. Nor are any roles any more or less linked with any of the “types” of Dominant I’ve written about elsewhere: the casual Dominant can adopt the role of Disciplinarian or Controller just as much as the lifestyle Dominant. It really comes down to the manner in which the Dominant engages with others in SL, and which role(s) particularly suit their personality / the environment they prefer operating in.

Further Reading

• The loving Dominant
• The nature of domination
• Dominant typology

Collars are also prevalent within the Second Life D/s and BDSM community; however, much of the symbolism inherent in rl collars is not so common within SL. Part of the reason for this rests in the fact that in earlier times (prior to RLV), collars were one of the few means of providing direct interaction between the Dominant and submissive. Through collar commands the Dominant could exert a degree of control over a submissive, forcing them to kneel or bow, hug submissively, be leashed, and so on in ways far more effective than asking the sub to do X or Y.

While other devices have perhaps overtaken the collar in allowing control to be directly exercised over a submissive, the SL collar still tends to lack its rl equivalent’s symbolism. Which is a shame because within the context of a D/s relationship (as opposed to causal play), maintaining some of the rl symbolism and power surrounding the giving and receiving of collars could increase a relationship’s depth and meaning; allowing those who are so minded to incoprorate some of the rl ceremony surrounding collaring into their time in Second Life. But how could this be done?

The three types of collar

Let’s start by looking at rl collars and their meaning. In all, three types of collar are recognised in rl D/s: the Collar of Consideration, the Training Collar and lastly, the Formal Collar. Each symbolises something unique in the relationship, as outlined below.

• Collar of Consideration: an “initial” collar given when a Dominant and submissive have spent time together and feel there is an opportunity for them to develop the relationship further (i.e. it is not given at the start of a relationship). It denotes the beginning of a deeper exploration of compatibility between the two; further, its presence acts as a clear indicator to other Dominants that this submissive is off-limits for the duration of the period of consideration. Honourable Dominants will accept this, and will not attempt to pursue the submissive.
• Training Collar: this indicates that the relationship is moving to a still deeper level of attachment and commitment, and both parties are considering a long-term relationship. This collar tends to be worn for a more extended period and can be analogous to an engagement ring in terms of the depth of feelings and meaning involved. The giving / acceptance of a Training Collar is usually accompanied by a change in tempo in the relationship: scening starts or becomes more focused, with an emphasis on mutual exploration and understanding of the submissive’s limits.
• The Formal Collar: symbolises the full commitment between Dominant and submissive, much like a wedding ring. It reflects the trust, respect and love they have for one another. While it is not vital, the giving / receiving of a Formal Collar is sometimes performed as a ceremony which again, some liken to a wedding ceremony, witnessed by close friends and scene members.

Each of these collars is deeply symbolic and holds its own power within rl D/s. They reflect the thoughts and hopes of both parties that have been expressed and fulfilled thus far in the relationship whilst also providing a focus for the continued growth of commitment and trust in the future.

Symbolism and Second Life

Given that most submissives and Switches (not to mention a lot of Dominants!) already have a collar, it’s actually quite easy to reproduce some of the symbolism and meaning associated with rl collars directly into an SL D/s relationship. For example, each of the three stages of collaring might be represented in a growing relationship thus:

• Collar of Consideration: the submissive adds the Dominant as a “secondary owner” to their collar – potentially removing anyone else in the process (depending on what has been agreed between the two), while retain primary ownership
• Training Collar: this can be symbolised through the deepening relationship by the submissive making the Dominant the primary owner of their collar, allowing the Dominant a measure of grater authority and demonstrating the growing bonding of trust between them both
• Formal Collar: this becomes the collar owned / purchased by the Dominant and presented to the submissive  at the time when the two decide to enter into a fully committed relationship, possibly with a formal Collaring Ceremony attended by friends and family, where they openly proclaim their love / devotion to one another.

In this way a couple not only instil some of the rl mystique of collars into their SL relationship, they allow the relationship to develop more naturally; there is no longer a need to rush into an immediate collaring as the be-all and end-all. Also, this approach can enhance the relationship as it encourages both excitement at, and anticipation of, what is going to happen at each stage in the process, culminating with the awarding of the Formal Collar.

Obviously, it is not vital for a committed couple to take these steps; however, by adding a splash of rl symbolism and tradition to the collaring of one by another, we’re helping to elevate the collar above it just being another toy, and doing so in a way that is full of significance for those involved. Which really can’t be a bad thing, can it?