Accessing subspace

In Finding Space, I explored the concepts of subspace and Dominant space. Both are complex subjects to understand in the real world, and are oft-written about in terms of what they are, what forms they can take – so much so that it is very easy for new submissives and Dominants getting too caught up in the idea of the submissive “achieving” subspace rather than experiencing it.

Opening the gates

Entry into subspace (and indeed Dominant space) in rl is facilitated by many factors: setting, touch, taste, sounds, scents, mood, atmosphere, and so on. Very often, a subtle form of foreplay can be used by a D/s couple to enhance the mood and the scene: the Dominant will sit with the submissive, making gentle and repetitive contact (lightly stroking their hair, caressing their cheek, etc.), while talking in a very soft, quiet tone, paying compliments and / or telling how much they love and care for the submissive, all the while generating a relaxed atmosphere of trust and assurance that the submissive is safe.

Such actions in turn cause the submissive to focus their thoughts on the Dominant, and so a flow of energy is established: the Dominant focuses on the submissive through touch and words, and in return, the submissive focuses thoughts and responses on the Dominant – indeed, they begin to reach out to the Dominant. So much so that, many submissives state that they actually start feeling their Dominant inside their thoughts; their own internal voice is quieted as they listen more and more for the voice of their Dominant, allowing them to lead the submissive deeper into subspace and initiate more direct contact (binding the sub, etc.), until they naturally slide into what might be called “fully in-scene”.

The virtual dimension

It’s very hard to reproduce such a situation in Second Life; there are few sensual triggers we can use, unless we are lucky enough to be able to share time completely in private, when it might be possible for both parties to purchase similar scented candles, use the same background music, etc., to create a “mutual” atmosphere which helps sent the mental tone.  Voice is another elements that might be used to enhance the situation; after all, what can be more evocative than hearing the voice of one’s Dominant leading one into deeper and deeper waters? Voice also brings greater immediacy and intimacy, removing as it does the encumbrance of the keyboard from the scene. Sadly, most find the opportunities wherein they can use Voice to be very limited. 

That said, one of the few advantages many SL submissives do have is that they may well have initiated their first steps into subspace simply by logging-in. The very act of sitting down in front of the computer to access Second Life and meet with their Dominant and D/s friends may well help move them from normal space into marginally down space whether they are aware of it or not.

Even so, coming into SL with the anticipation of experiencing subspace and actually experiencing it can still be difficult for some.

Bridging the gap

The first thing a couple wishing to experience “deeper” levels of subspace should do is to take a little time out beforehand to prepare things as far as possible: try to set a time when you can be together relatively free of other “rl” distractions; make sure comfort breaks have been taken care of beforehand & the pets have been seen to; make sure you have something to drink on hand rather than risking a run to the kitchen mid-scene. Obviously, if you can do the other things – the candles, music, etc., so much the better.

Take the time to engage in a little verbal foreplay – and I’m not talking sex here - use chat or IM; use emotes. It is very much down to the Dominant to lead here; simulate touch, describe actions simply and deliberately; use whisper from time to time to add a feeling of intimacy. Again, the idea is to open the submissive’s mind; build a world inside their head, encourage them to mentally visualise and sense what is happening, what the Dominant is doing, drawing their focus away from their rl surroundings. 

The best way of achieving this is to keep chat and emotes short; aim for simple descriptions, “/me brushes a hand lightly over your ass” and simple comments, “You do have *such* a delightful rear….” Keep things to one or two lines. Leave paragraph-length prose and descriptions for later; the aim here is to focus attention and build rapport. Keeping things short and to the point is the by far the best way of achieving this.

The Dominant should also avoid falling into the trap of defining the submissive’s response to anything they do; this detracts from the submissive’s experience and diminishes their role in proceedings to that of observer. Let them respond in their own way and in their own time.

As with rl, a deep scene takes time to build even in an established relationship; the feedback loop between Dominant and submissive must be allowed to develop without it being forced. If a couple are slipping into a scene where one is conscious that time may work against them, it may actually be better to say so and agree to pull back a little to avoid disappointment later.

Alert

At all times, the Dominant should remain alert to the submissive’s responses. The submissive’s state of mind can often be assessed by their responses: they become progressively shorter, possibly down to single-word utterances and their emotes abbreviated; crudeness or profanities may become more apparent. All are generally signs the submissive is in a deeper level of subspace.

Similarly, long silences shouldn’t necessarily be taken as a sign the submissive is bored or engaged in IMs with someone else. Rather, they may also be an indication that the submissive is slipping further into their subspace.

The Dominant should use such cues to progress the scene, perhaps moving it naturally into bondage (and here is where RLV is a marvellous aide, allowing the Dominant to simply slip a pair of cuffs onto the submissive as a “spontaneous” act which can take the submissive genuinely by surprise and massively enhance their excitement & feelings of being controlled).

That said, don’t allow on-screen actions to circumvent  / interfere with the contact that has been established; yes, it’s great to play with whips and chains – but again if  time is being spent hunting through Inventory for this or that or trying to use every toy in your playroom – focus is going to be lost. Far better to craft a scene with certain activities in mind, using playthings in their proper role as props, rather than focus.

Because of the degree of separation involved in SL (people can’t physically see one another), it *is* important that should rl interfere with the flow of things on one side or the other, the person affected by the interference should inform the other. Neither Dominant nor submissive should vanish into silence (unless it is utterly unavoidable). Should such breaks occur, it is important that the link between Dominant and submissive is re-established; don’t simply jump right back into things; the interruption will inevitably upset the focus (especially if it was the submissive yanked back into the mundane needs of rl) – so it is important the emotional / trusting link between Dominant and submissive is brought back into focus.

This may sound like a lot of hard work when D/s is supposed to be fun; but subspace is a multi-layered experience; how far a person enters into it is dependent on a wide range of direct and indirect factors, and thus does require a little effort by both Dominant and submissive. While it is not an absolute requirement for enjoying D/s, it does add depth and dimension to a scene and a relationship.

And finally – as always – any period of play in which the submissives has been exposed and/or entered subspace, should be followed by a natural period of aftercare, cuddles, gentle words, nuances, all designed to ease the submissive back to the “here and now”.

Finding Space Part 2: Dominant Space

In the first part of this article, I examined subspace both in terms of how it can be encountered in rl, and where and how it may spill over into SL. Truth be told, subspace is perhaps one of the most talked-about aspects of D/s in both rl and SL; yet there is another side to the coin – one that doesn’t get mentioned so often in rl discussions of D/s relationships and scenes, and one which I’ve yet to hear mention of at all in Second Life – and that is the concept of Dominant space.

Dominant space in some ways mirrors subspace, although its practical outworkings are somewhat different. Rather than entering a trance-like state, a Dominant in Dominant space tends to experience heightened awareness; they’ll experience a steady upswing of energy and desire as they sink deeper into Dominant space, and overall, become more attuned to the submissive under their control.

Like subspace, Dominant space exists on a number of levels.

Top and Alert space

At the top, as one might expect, is top,  or normal space. The Dominant in this space will function perfectly normally, dealing with the slings and arrows of mundane life. It is entirely equitable with the kind of normal space experienced by submissives.

Beneath this is what I refer to as alert space. The Dominant moves into this space when something happens to shift them away from everyday needs to focus on their submissive. This shift may be triggered by something within the Dominant – a change of clothes, looking at a picture, etc; or it may be an external stimuli – a scent, a sound, a comment. It may equally come from the submissive in the form of a touch, an expression, a look – something that alerts the Dominant to the submissive’s desire to feel their control. Whatever the trigger, the Dominant will maintain an awareness of everything else around them, but their focus will be on their submissive. If nothing further occurs, the Dominant will generally return to top space. Thus, this “alert space” can be equated with a submissive’s “marginally down” space.

Going deeper

If the stimuli that triggered the Dominant into alert space continues, then the Dominant will move beyond “alert” to what might be called active space, where their Dominant nature comes more to the fore. Such stimuli can be as simple as the submissive’s move from top space to marginally down space (itself perhaps the result of the Dominant’s focused attention, thus giving rise to an entirely natural feedback between the two), or could be the continued influence of outside factors.  As the Dominant moves into this space, they feel an upswing in energy; perceptions alter, adrenaline flow will increase and they’ll feel a heightened desire and sensitivity that can trigger a scene.

Once a scene has been initiated, the Dominant may experience a sensation of alert mental detachment; a separation of their emotional responses to everything around them. Some may experience a sense of energy flow from the submissive to themselves; some Dominants have even stated that as they move deeper into this space, they have a distinct feeling of being “inside” their submissive: they experience the scene from the submissive’s perspective and may even “hear” the mind of the submissive.

There is a strong feedback loop established as the Dominant moves into, and through this space, which occupies the span between the submissives “sammy space” and “blonde space”. Indeed, in secure relationships, the playful use of sammy space on the part of the submissive can  – where appropriate – encourage the Dominant to move into their active space. It can help start and/or progress the scene beyond its initial opening, and trigger heightened responses and excitement in the Dominant.

As the Dominant moves deeper into this space, so to their excitement accelerates and their responses become more sharply focused on the submissive and the scene itself. The emotional detachment experienced as the scene moves beyond the playful enables the Dominant to both take actions with their submissive in ways they might find difficult when in top space, and enables them to remain aware of the submissive’s own state of mind and attuned to keeping the play on the safe side of any red line.

Where the feedback loop is healthily established, the further “down” the submissive goes in scene, the higher up the Dominant tends to go; the submissive’s responses to the Dominant’s actions trigger and re-trigger the Dominant. It can be a euphoric cycle for both, with energy flowing back and forth as the scene progresses. However, there is one important difference: part of the intensity the Dominant experiences is due to the need to maintain tight mental and physical control on the scene to ensure the submissive does not suffer harm. This control itself can build to a peak of release within the Dominant that is as intense and satisfying as the release experienced by the submissive.

Aftercare

Aftercare is as important for a Dominant coming out of Dominant space as it is for a submissive returning from subspace.

While the Dominant has not been as mentally exposed as the submissive, they have nevertheless carried a significant mental load and exhibited considerable mental (and physical in the case of rl) control. In doing so, they have removed themselves from reality, and thus need to ease back into it as much as the submissive. Therefore, cuddles, care and attention can be as beneficial for the Dominant as they are for the submissive; the only real difference may be in the way the care is supplied. For the Dominant providing aftercare to a submissive, it is something of a deliberate act, a willingness to take the submissive into their arms and hold them, while for the submissive, it may be a more instinctive response to the love and attention the Dominant is giving them, generating a more subtle feedback loop that comforts both players and enables them to return to top space.

However, the caring submissive should always be on the alert for situations wherein the Dominant needs aftercare. It is perfectly possible for a scene to lead a Dominant into Dominant space even if the submissive doesn’t “fully” experience subspace (just as it is possible for a submissive to slip into subspace without the Dominant really moving beyond alert space). In these situations, the submissive should be willing to offer some aftercare, such as a cuddle and post-scene gentle chat.

Primal space

Dominant space, again like subspace, can include a level of  primal space. As with submissives, breaching this level may be rare, but it can be equally devastating. A Dominant reaching this space in rl can become dangerous – especially if they are new to D/s. Their system can become flooded with chemicals that push them beyond the controlled detachment that is vital to a safe scene, and become completely detached from the welfare of the submissive in their care.

It is unlikely that primal space can be subconsciously reached within the confines of Second Life for much the same reasons it is unlikely many submissives within SL will experience it for themselves. However, the risk is there, and any Dominant experiencing such total detachment within themselves and from their submissive should take steps to exit the scene as quickly as possible. Further, “primal space” should not be offered up as an excuse for wanton cruelty, and submissives within SL who hear any Dominant talking freely about their ability to access “primal space” or pass comments relating to their “Dominance making their cruel and hard” would do well to examine both the Dominant and their motives closely before engaging in a scene.

Conclusion

Space – be it sub or Dominant  – exists in many forms both in rl and SL. While we may not experience all of them in our SL lives, we should all be aware of how they tend to manifest themselves, and we should all understand the need to deal with them responsibly.

Finding Space Part 1: Subspace

A lot of column inches within D/s and BDSM websites are given over to the subject of “subspace” (or “sub-space” or “sub space”, whichever you prefer). It’s also something you can hear a lot of chatter about in SL.

Defining subspace

Broadly speaking, subspace is generally regarded as a moderate to deep, almost trace-like, condition experienced by a submissive during intense or erotic interaction with their Dominant. It exposes the sub to a range of emotions and feelings that can in turn trigger a heightened response to the Dominant’s manipulations, and equally leave the submissive emotionally and psychologically vulnerable and at risk. Submissives entering this space require careful monitoring by the Dominant throughout the scene to make sure they do not place themselves in danger, and require post-scene aftercare that eases them back to a rational state of mind.

Clinically, subspace can be defined as a sympathetic nervous system response to the intense pain / pleasure experienced during a scene which causes a release of epinephrine, endorphins and enkephalins. These in turn have a morphine-like effect on the metabolism, which increases the pain tolerance of the submissive while inducing the trance-like condition referred to above. This is often expressed by submissives as an almost out-of-body experience in which they feel as if they are detached from reality, observing what is happening to them, rather than participating. Many submissives reaching the deeper levels of subspace can lose all sensation of pain, as any stimulus causes this trance-like detachment to be prolonged. Hence the need for both care and attention on the part of the Dominant should a submissive enter this state, as it is only the Dominant who can keep the submissive from experiencing harm.

Within SL, the more physical elements of subspace are not easy to reproduce: there is no physical contact between Dominant and submissive for a start, so the submissive may not be aware of any physical detachment. Aural and olfactory stimuli are also missing, while the visual stimuli is far from perfect – external interruptions can all too easily break the submissive’s focus. Thus, the submissives journey into the deeper levels of subspace may not be easy or achievable to their fullest extent.

However, it is possible for submissives to slip into a mental state when engaged in SL scening wherein the the glandular releases described above can occur and carry them into subspace. These in turn then heighten the submissive’s awareness and generate an increased responsiveness  to the idea of pain and induce other reactions that are commonly associated with subspace (such as an apparent drop in IQ and the use of cruder language as discussed later in this piece). Thus, a feedback loop is created within the submissive that draws them into subspace as effectively as might occur in rl – and the caring Dominant will always look for signs of the submissive slipping into it.

One thing that should be understood is that subspace exists on many levels. Precisely how many and what they are called tends to vary according to the expert addressing the issue. If we were to look at things rationally, one might define the initial levels of subspace in terms of a number of levels.

Top and Marginally Down

The first two levels are what are popularly referred to as “top” (or “normal”) space and “marginally down” space within the real world, and both tend to exist in Second Life.

Top (or normal) space: This is the space that, I think it fair to say, gets most overlooked in Second Life. Put simply, top space is the “mundane” or everyday living mode for the submissive: getting up, going about the requirements of daily life, seeing to family needs, gawking at the television, and so on. I refer to it as the most “overlooked” in Second Life, simply because the decision-making processes involved in setting the needs of the day off to one side, powering-up a computer, starting and logging-in to Second Life tends to naturally move the SL submissive somewhat out of top space and more naturally into the next level down. Even so, top space still has an ability to impact our SL submissive lives, as simply turning on the computer cannot make it totally go away – not when there is a partner in the next room who might demand attention, or a pet running around that needs seeing to, or an unexpected telephone call that can shatter a mood, whether or not we opt to let the answerphone take it for us.

Marginally down space: in rl, this tends to be when the Dominant in a relationship directs attention on the submissive. This tends to be through the use of a recognised trigger – a glance, a touch, a sound – or a combination of such factors. The result is to drop the submissive out of top space and into a condition of listening and anticipation. In some relationships, the change in the submissive is very physical, if subtle: they stop talking or moving; their attention becomes focused on the Dominant, waiting to see if further signals are forthcoming. If they are, the submissive generally slips further into subspace; if nothing further is forthcoming, or if the Dominant deliberately eases back from directing attention on the submissive, the submissive generally returns to top space. This “marginally down” space is frequently the condition many submissives are in when they log in to Second Life: they are focused on their Dominant, attuned to the verbal / written cues (chat or emote) that the Dominant may give that can carry the submissive deeper into subspace.

Going deeper

Beyond this, things get more complicated. How far “down” a submissive goes into subspace is dependent upon a variety of factors: the skill of the Dominant in understanding the submissive’s needs; the Dominant’s ability to constructively manipulate and feed such needs and desires; how well the submissive trusts and relates to the Dominant; and so on. Environment, setting and external stimuli such as sounds, music, scents, etc., also can play a significant part in carrying a submissive deeper into subspace. Many submissives aren’t actually aware that they are “in” subspace but rather only realise what has happened after the fact. The nature of SL, given the inherent nature of rl intrusions into our digital lives makes entry into these deeper levels of subspace somewhat harder to achieve and maintain – which is not to say they cannot be experienced in the right circumstances.

One of the first major indicators that a submissive is slipping into a deeper level of subspace is that their IQ apparently starts to progressively diminish; the ability to process and understand what is happening to them become blurred; rational thought becomes elusive, and so on. Ask a submissive how they are feeling when in this state, and their reply is liable to be “I dunno” or similar. In rl scenarios, this admission of not knowing is liable to be true: at its deepest, this state leaves the submissive utterly dependent upon the Dominant to ensure no harm is done to them.

Another element that can denote the submissive is slipping into subspace is the use of language itself – their words become more and more crude, they find greater delight and arousal in being talked to and about in crude terms. Vulgarities trigger reactions as much as touches. Together, these two signs: the apparent reduction in their ability to process thought rationally and / or the use of cruder language tends to indicate the submissive is in what is referred to as blonde space.

A submissive slipping into the deepest levels of subspace many reach the level of primal space. Within rl scenes when in this condition, the submissive can become feral; words become grunts and snarls, they can show hypersensitivity to sound and light and movement. If not bound, the submissive in this state can become dangerous and will not stop short of scratching and biting – or worse.

Of these two states, Blonde space can be encountered within SL, even if the submissive is not deeply into the state, and tends to be most obviously demonstrated by the sudden excitement generated by hearing and using crude language and / or in being called names. Primal space is potentially the harder level to move a submissive into through the medium of SL; given the overall impact on the submissive and the lack of physical support, it is one I would caution against and Dominant trying to lead their submissive into such a state.

Sammy space

There is one other aspect of subspace worth mentioning – although many in rl squirm when it is discussed, and many submissives will outright deny that it exists. This is sammy space, or what FRR Mallory calls “sprite space”; and it is one quite common in one form or another in Second Life.

In sammy space, which tends to exist somewhere between “marginally down” and “blonde space”, the submissive seems to become willful: clips may become undone, or the submissive will move from an assigned pose or will flirt or use cheeky retorts. Sometimes this reaction is borne of a need to test the Dominant to assess whether the Dominant is really paying attention; this is the negative aspect of sammy space, because if the Dominant is found wanting, it is taken as a sign that they do not “love” the submissive.

However, the kind of wilfulness that results from sammy space can be beneficial if the submissive is prepared to channel it properly. Rather than being used as a means of testing the Dominant, it can be used as a means of engaging in further play. By showing token resistance through playful interchange, the submissive is demonstrating both their trust in the Dominant (not to react utterly negatively to the play) and their willingness to be taken further into subspace. In turn, this kind of play can trigger the Dominant’s own progression into the oh-so-rarely talked about realm of Dominant space.

Care and attention

Within rl, and throughout the subspace experience, the submissive needs constant attention – not just to heighten their experience and responses while in scene, but also to ensure that the submissive is not / has not reached a point where they can no longer differentiate between safe and dangerous play or use a safeword to show distress. Thus, the Dominant has the responsibility to watch the submissive through the scene and adapt and adjust their own actions accordingly.

As the submissive “returns” from subspace – as the scene concludes, for example -  the parasympathetic nervous system responds, and the submissive can experience exhaustion, incoherence and feelings of emotional emptiness, all of which need to be dealt with through care, emotional support and – at it most basic – simple human contact through cuddles and caresses. In some cases coming out of subspace can trigger feelings of shame, self loathing or disgust within the submissive, and these to need to be identified by the Dominant and dealt with in sincere care to avoid the submissive Dropping.

How far a submissive can descend into subspace within an environment such at Second Life is open to debate. As I’ve indicated above, my personal view is that the medium itself means that the majority of submissives tend to operate in the “marginally down” through to “blonde space” (including sammy space). I certainly hold the view that trying to move into the deeper, more primal levels of subspace through the medium of SL is unwise and quite possibly impractical.

Speaking from my own SL experiences, I can openly admit that I’m not aware of taking a submissive much beyond blonde space of subspace; this may be through a lack of technique on my part – and I have to admit that until Second Life becomes truly immersive and allows us to replicate touch, scents, sounds, etc., as they can be used in rl, I doubt I’ll be anywhere near as effective as a Dominant as (I hope) I am in rl.

That said, just because the deeper levels of subspace may not be reachable within the confines of SL does not mean that a few basic precepts common to dealing with submissives in rl cannot be applied equally to SL. Indeed, I would go so far as to say they have equal meaning is SL as they do in rl:

• Never leave a submissive alone in subspace without warning or for extended periods, and never abruptly end a scene in which you know the submissive is in subspace  – however marginal – without taking time to help them recover to top space. This doesn’t have to be complicated: showing care through words, emotes and even the use of simple cuddle props, can help the submissive recover and give them visual cues to your care and love for them
• Never impose responsibility on the submissive for any aspect of the play or for their descent into subspace. If you want interaction, keep the play to marginal space or sammy space. Go too deep into blonde space and the play can become too one-side as the submissive has moved to a state of mind where the ability to clearly communicate is lost.
• Always leave time for recovery after a scene, even if you believe the submissive has barely dipped into subspace. The experience for the submissive doesn’t have to be earth-shattering, mind-blowing or any other hyperbole in order for it to have an impact – and nothing builds trust and commitment more than a sincere demonstration of love and support when helping a submissive return to top space.